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Make room for joy in life
A 37-year-old male client tells me that he sometimes wonders if he’s forgotten what joy feels like. “I saw a movie this weekend with my daughter, and there was a dialogue that made me realise that with age, my experiences of joy and happiness seem to be fewer and I barely recollect moments when I felt joy. Inside Out 2 was hard-hitting and a reminder that I have lost my capacity for joy.”
This is a theme that often makes it to therapy sessions. Very often when clients talk about how things have been good and life has been going well, towards the end of the therapy session they start getting anxious that something will come up that will make them sad.
Savour the moments joy
It’s something all of us can relate to. Even when we are experiencing joy, anxiety slips in. Children, on the other hand, have this capacity to savour and find numerous moments when they are in awe, wonder, and joy. I remember a client telling me that what she grew up hearing over and over as a child has impacted how she perceives joy as an adult. Her grandmother would say “If you laugh too much, or talk about your joy, something sad or bad will happen soon; so learn not to show all that you feel”.
It made me wonder whether our idea of joy has been shaped by conditioning--being told not to talk about joy and not being allowed to enjoy ourselves. What does it take to reclaim joy, awe and wonder in our day-to-day lives? As adults and emerging adults, we can choose and possibly increase our capacity to experience joy.
By the way, what's joy?
Personal moments of joy for me are when I feel a certain lightness and a sense of being fully present. At the same time, it is difficult to describe that feeling and put it into words. Joy is felt deeply yet so hard to convey to others. I often associate it with a sense of contentment, deep presence, gratitude for what’s around, and an all-encompassing sense of compassion. Those moments feel like peak experiences, when one is in sync with oneself yet feels a deep sense of connection with everything and everyone around.
In therapy, I ask clients to describe their personal experiences of joy. Our emotional states-- including happiness, awe, and surprise--can look and feel similar to joy. But, an awareness of how these show up for us in terms of feelings, sensations and behaviours allows us to savour them and cultivate an attitude of mindfulness about our emotions. Clients have talked about experiencing immense joy at the birth of a child, while spending time in nature, while having a spiritual experience, or completing a creative project.
Enjoy collective joy too
We can experience joy at individual and collective levels. For instance, India winning the T20 World Cup final is a collective joy. Some people got emotional while talking about the win because of the intensity of what they were feeling. A huge part of embracing joy in adulthood lies in the recognition that given the twists and turns of life, we need to make space for both joy and anxiety.
At the same time, recognise that when we experience joy, we can give ourselves permission to enjoy it and trust that when difficulties arise or anxiety makes its presence felt, we will have the inner resources to cope with it. So, make room for joy in your life, and if you can, allow yourself to park your anxiety for the time being.
--Sonali Gupta
By arrangement with livemint.com
